My Cat Acts Like a Toddler

This evening my cat got her head stuck in a plastic bag she stole from the garbage. As I was chasing her down to extricate her from her mess, I realized that in some ways cats are like toddlers. Obviously, cats are waaaaaay less work than an actual toddler, but there are undeniable similarities.

People with toddlers baby-proof the house so the kids don't get into things that are dangerous or messy, and I've had to do the same thing. All over the house, things that used to be stored out in the open are now tucked away into drawers and other non-cat accessible areas. We haven't had to put those baby locks on the cupboard doors (yet), but we no longer get take for granted that anything we leave out will be in the same place when we come back for it. It doesn't help that I crochet, so there is a lot of yarn that used to just be laying around. Now it's all tucked away so that the dumb animal doesn't eat it and mess up her guts.

Then there's the whole toilet issue. Again, I'm not comparing litter box maintenance with changing diapers, but I am dealing with the animal's poop on at least a daily basis. Also, I swear that she finds us and situates herself as close to use as she can before she passes gas. I have lived with cats before, but I had no idea that their farts smelled so bad until Thud came around.

Christmas is another thing that presents similar challenges to people with cats in the house as it does for those with toddlers. Earlier this week I decorated my Christmas tree, mostly with delicate glass ornaments. I distributed them with an eye towards balance and beauty, and the tree looked lovely. I'm glad I took a picture when I was done, because the next day half the tree was re-organized. I had to remove all the ornaments from the bottom branches because the cat was attacking them rather vigorously, and I was afraid she was going to bring down the whole tree. Now that there aren't any shiny things that she can reach and destroy, she's started chewing on the tree itself. I haven't lived with a toddler in a while, do they do that too?

I never get too exasperated with the fuzzy-faced critter, though, because she's sure to do something adorable before too long. And as soon as she does, I'm whipping out my camera like a sucker, trying to capture the moment of cute before she goes back to being a terror. I have a feeling that many parents of toddlers feel the same way.

Hobbitses and Legoses, Precious

I am getting a very special birthday present this year. Peter Jackson is giving me a movie I've been excited about for a long, long time. The Hobbit's release date is the day before my birthday, and I am looking forward to it more than I probably should.

Tonight I got a little fix to help hold me over until the movie comes out. Lego, in its infinite wisdom, made several sets based on The Hobbit. We bought the ones that were released yesterday (no waiting for Christmas here!) and the boyfriend, the kid and I spent the evening around the dining room table, putting together Legos. It was downright heartwarming, in a geeky way.

Personally, I spent a couple of happy hours building Bilbo's hobbit-hole. It looks great - it really is a good set - and there are so many great touches. There are even stickers in the set that turn normal lego blocks into miniature reproductions of the actual maps from the book.

Maybe Legos aren't quite as exciting as finally seeing the actual movie, but we had a lot of fun, anyway.

Breaking in a New Computer

Getting a new computer is kind of a bitter-sweet experience. I mean, your old computer may be slow and half of the programs you need don't work very well, but it's familiar and you know exactly where everything is. Your settings are the way you like them and you don't ever have to type a web address because your browser knows them all. I, for one, find myself resisting getting a new computer - or doing what is needed to fix the old - just because it's so much work getting everything back to normal and tweaking all the setting to be just how I like them.

Well, I got my comeuppance for that attitude this week with a vengeance. My work computer has been slow and buggy for months now. It's about two years old and wasn't that great of a machine to begin with; it was just a basic laptop that could do the types of things I needed. Last week, though, it quit doing some of the crucial things I need to do my job, so I finally had to call IT in to fix the problem.

First, they did a whole system reset (I think that's what they called it) which erased all my settings, icons, favorite, bookmarks, etc. After that, I spent all day putting things back the way I like them. I tweaked settings and tried to remember all my bookmarks. I even did Google searches to remember how to do the obscure changes I had discovered ages ago and never thought of since.

Actually, I wasn't working on it quite all day. A couple of hours before quitting time, one of the IT guys came in and said that they were going to have to re-image the machine - it just wasn't going to work otherwise. Basically, everything I'd done that day to make my computer work the way I wanted it was all going away and I'd have to do it all again.

At this point, I'm more than happy to have them do what they have to do to make sure I can use my computer. After all, they already deleted the favorites and such, and there is no getting them back. I just wish that they had told me they I would have to do it all again before I spent the time fixing things in the first place.

I guess I'll just have to console myself by doing my job on a computer that doesn't randomly freeze up, crash, and generally works smoothly. I think I'll be fine.

Christmas is Here at Last

If you read my post about Christmas music, you may already know that I am a huge fan of the holiday in general. I love the way everyone is thinking about others, I love the music, I love spending time with my family, and I really love the decorations. I have a long history of taking whatever crappy little apartment I live in and, with the help of my excellent friends, turning it into a Christmas wonderland. One year, we had a Christmas tree that was bright enough to read by. It was amazing.
Now that I have a spacious, pretty house instead of a crappy little apartment, I've really been looking forward to the Christmas decorating. I have been trolling Pinterest for ideas for weeks, and when we moved in, one of the first things I did was plan for where we'd put the Christmas tree.
Normally, I bust out the decorations on Friday after Thanksgiving, and that night my tree is burning brightly for all the world to see. This year, though, after hosting the big family dinner, most of Friday was spent cleaning. When that was done I really didn't relish the idea of hauling a bunch of boxes up from the basement to decorate. Then, on Saturday I wanted to enjoy my first chance to relax in about a week, and on Sunday I was running around to family dinners and orchestra practice.
All of this means I didn't get my tree up last weekend, and I felt like a Christmas fraud. I, who normally spreads the Christmas spirit around to others, couldn't even find the time to get my decorations up? Well, I put a stop to that Monday night. I came home from work, found all the boxes (we moved since last Christmas so I had to hunt through several different storage areas), and filled my house with Christmas joy.
Of course, I'm just getting started. I still plan on putting lights up outside, and I'm going to do a great deal more decorating inside. But the most important things are taken care of. The tree is up and beautiful, and the stockings are hung with care. But you don't have to take my word for it, here's the proof!

Post-Thanksgiving Breakdown

My mom has always hosted the big Thanksgiving family dinner at her house, and for several years now I've been trying to help her out more and more with all the work. I go to her house the day before and help her make a half-dozen or so pies, and I go out early on the day of to help her with all the cooking. I set the table and try to take over organizational aspects so she doesn't have to worry about them. I even help her clean up; well, at least, I help as much as I can make myself do, seeing as how I hate that part. Helping this way for years now led me to think that I wanted to host the holiday at my house this time.

Well, I did host the dinner, and I think everyone had a lot of fun. I invited the in-laws to come to make an addition to my large, raucous family. Everyone got along, nobody brought up politics or religion, and we all sat around eating pie and playing games all night.

On top of being a lot of fun, though, it was a LOT of work. I knew it would be, but I didn't appreciate how much until I actually did the work myself. The biggest hassle was, of course, the turkey. I've assisted in the preparation of turkeys before, but I've never actually done all the heavy lifting myself. Oh, and speaking of heavy lifting, for all you aspiring cooks out there - based on my experience, I would suggest that you not start with a 26-plus pound turkey on your first endeavor. Everything was about 15 pounds harder than it could have been if I had done a turkey half the size.

As much as I complain, everything came out all right. The turkey was juicy thanks to the preparatory brining I did the day before. It even took less time than I thought it would to cook, and we were able to have dinner at the time I we planned for. That is a small miracle of its own. All the side dishes were tasty, and there was enough that everyone went home with plenty of leftovers.

There was one catastrophe, however. This afternoon when I went to the fridge to ravage the leftovers for a post-Thanksgiving feast, the mashed potatoes and gravy I had carefully put in tupperware to keep here were nowhere to be found. I think that in the general chaos of left-over divvying up, someone saw my nicely packaged containers and walked off with them. I'm trying not to assign pernicious intent to this action, but it's really difficult not to do when I didn't have any mashed potatoes today.

Even with the tragedy of the lost leftovers, I think this whole hosting Thanksgiving thing was a success and I enjoyed it. I've always enjoyed throwing parties and having people over, and now I have a house big enough to do some real entertaining. My first experience was exhausting, but I'd definitely do it again. Which is a good thing, seeing as how the boyfriend and I have already volunteered to host another massive dinner party in December. I guess we're just gluttons for punishment.

This Is a Cheater Post

I am not doing excellently in my goal to write a blog post a day in November. First off, I didn't get started until November 5, and then last weekend I had a bit of a setback and didn't write anything for about 4 days straight. Because of this, I have revised the goal somewhat. My goal is to write 30 blog entries in 30 days. That means I have until December 4 to finish, and I will still have a whole month's worth of bloginess, even if it didn't work out to be exactly a blog a day.

I was looking at my posting history and realized my most recent entry was number 14 this month. 14 is, if I'm doing the math right, one less than 15. And 15 is, as we all know, half of 30. That means, if I can post one more blog entry this evening, I will be half-way through my goal.

Hence, the cheater post. I couldn't be that close to the half-way point without hitting it, so I decided to write about how I am at the half way point. I completely agree that this is a sneaky way to hit half of my goal, but I am okay with that. And it's my blog, so as long as I'm okay, it's okay.

So, without further ado, I will publish this blog and declare myself officially half-way done with my 30 days of 30 blog endeavor. Good night!

Legos - The Gift That Keeps On Giving

My boyfriend really likes Legos. We have lots and lots of those little plastic bricks in our house, and most major holidays that involve the exchanging of gifts end up being mostly an exchange of Lego sets. He's sucked me in as well, and now I trawl the Lego aisle at the store just as eagerly as he does, looking for new sets of my favorite types.

Well, the latest thing we've gotten into is Lego trains. Did you know that Lego has train sets you can buy that actually run? That means that not only do you get the fun of building the set, you get to play with it and totally freak out the cat. It's really the best thing ever. We have one that is already built, a bunch of extra track, and two more trains that will be unwrapped on Christmas morning.

Today, the boyfriend was looking at YouTube videos, and one of them gave him an idea. Someone ran track all through their house and created an elaborate three-way intersection. Then, they ran three different trains that were timed just right so that they all got to the intersection at the same time. Here, I'll just show you:

Doesn't that look fun? I know what we'll be doing on Christmas morning. Anyone who wants to join in is welcome to stop by.

In the Air There's a Feeling of Turkeys

After I graduated from high school, I did my first two years of college at Snow College in Ephraim, UT. I really had a good time there - I lived with friends, I enjoyed my professors and classes, I got to go on tour to Europe with the orchestra, and I felt like I got a great value for my money. I would recommend Snow to anyone who isn't going to mind being stuck in a small town with not much going on outside of the college.

However, there is one thing I do NOT miss. Ephraim is in Sanpete County, a place otherwise known as the turkey capital of the world. Okay, maybe not the capital of the world, but seriously, there are lots of turkeys there. There aren't just more turkeys than people in the county, there are many times more turkeys than people.

And turkeys stink. They make a foul odor (fowl odor?) that is carried everywhere in the valley. The closest turkey farm from the campus was several miles away on the edge of town, but everyday walking to class smelled like you were next door to one of those huge turkey sheds.

My favorite Ephraim moment had to do with the unique turkey odor. I was still in high school and taking a tour of the campus. Our tour guide was telling us all about how the campus was fun, and there are tons of things to do, basically trying to sell us on the school. Well, right in the middle of his spiel, two girls walked out of the student center building and had this conversation. Girl One, "Augh, it stinks!" Girl Two in a resigned of voice, "It's Ephraim, it ALWAYS stinks." Watching the perky tour guide try to recover from that was pure joy.

Wait, did I say that there are more turkeys than people in Sanpete County? I don't think that's actually accurate right now. You see, every year around the beginning of October, a magical thing happens. The turkey sheds, which previously were overflowing with big-breasted birds, are suddenly empty and abandoned. The air smells of normal fall things like wood burning stoves and not putrid bird droppings.

Yes, the turkey harvest had come at last. I always felt a little bit sad that so many turkeys going to meet their maker at this time of year made me so happy, but the feeling usually passed when I thought about the roast turkey and stuffing I'd be enjoying on Thanksgiving Day.

'Twas the Night Before Turkey Prep

Tomorrow morning is the official start of the Turkey Day chaos. I know it's a day earlier than the actual holiday, but I have lots to do.

I wrote a while ago about how I volunteered and lobbied to host the big family Thanksgiving dinner at my house. Then, when I got what I asked for I started wondering why I wanted to do this in the first place.

Well, since then I've gotten organized. The turkey is in the fridge, ready to be plunked in the brine first thing tomorrow morning. All the groceries are anxiously waiting their part in the big day. I've made assignments to various family members so I don't have to worry about it all. Everything is ready to start getting ready, and now I'm just waiting.

I feel like this is something of a calm before the storm. But I'm looking on the bright side. If craziness does happen, I'll have more things to write about on the blog!

Sometimes, Everyone Stumbles a Bit

I started November (technically, I started on the 5th) planning to write a blog every day for the month. I've been doing pretty well, posting each day and finding something to write about. That is, until last Thursday. Thursday I was busy doing something else, and that started a slide into horrible, horrible procrastination and I haven’t written a blog since.

For those of you counting, that’s five days I am behind, counting today. I don’t think I’ll write five entries today, unless the inspiration fairy REALLY hits me hard, but I will try to catch up as soon as possible. I am a firm believer in getting things done, even if they get done a little later than I originally intended.

Also, this counts as one of those missing days. As I've said before, this is my creative exercise, so I get to set the rules. Don't try to begrudge me my cheater entries!

The Interwebz Make Me Happy

I'm going to guess that if you are reading this, you have some free time to kill and are choosing to entertain yourself via the internet. I'm going to go even further out on a limb and deduce that if you are taking time to read something I wrote, you enjoy my sense of humor, at least a little bit.

With all of those rash assumptions behind us, allow me to proceed onward. Today I'm going to share some of my favorite places to waste time on the internet. These are mostly places that I find amusing, but some of them are informative or interesting. These are all places I like to go and kill time when online, and I hope you enjoy them as well.

Toothpaste for Dinner / Natalie Dee / Married to the Sea

source

These three webcomics are created by husband and wife dynamic duo Drew and Natalie. They both have their own, quirky sense of humor that comes out through their individual comics (Drew draws Toothpaste for Dinner and Natalie draws Natalie Dee), and they collaborate on the ever delightful Married to the Sea, where they take old-fashioned line drawings and add captions. The best part is, the site includes an archive of all the comics, so you have enough material to waste a whole day!

source

XKCD

Another webcomic I love is XKCD. This one has more of a geek/nerd angle; the subtitle on the main page says it's "A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language." You can't get any better than that, right? Oh, and when reading this one, don't forget to hover over the comic for a hidden message. Sometimes those are even more funny than the comic itself.

The Mary Sue

Speaking of geekiness, I absolutely love The Mary Sue. It's a compendium of geek news and funnies from around the web that bills itself as a guide to girl geek culture. Now, boys, don't be afraid of the feminine slant; I get all the same stories you find on other websites like i09 and Geeks are Sexy. It's just that additional stories that are interesting to women are thrown in sometimes as well. It really makes my day when I hear about some rumor or new piece of geeky news from this site before my boyfriend hears about it from all the sites he checks.

source

T-Rex Trying

This tumblr documents the misadventures of everyone's favorite thunder lizard, T-Rex. Unfortunately, T-Rex can't do most of the things that he tries, due to his tiny little arms. The artist does a great job walking the line between making it funny, and making us actually feel bad for the poor guy. He does get a win once in a while, though.



Ugly Renaissance Babies

While we're on the topic of amusing tumblrs, I can't not mention Ugly Renaissance Babies. This site is the a great mix of truly odd (usually) religious artwork and comments pointing out the strangeness. They don't add captions like a lolcat, instead they let the pictures speak for themselves, and just comment on the truly bizarre. And there is plenty of bizarre to go around, don't worry.

"The Christ Child gazes into your soul... and also somewhere over your shoulder, I guess. I'm not really sure."


The Oatmeal

If you haven't yet discovered the joyful joyousness that is The Oatmeal, go there now. I'll wait..... There, now that you're properly educated, we can both agree that Matthew Inman (the creator of all awesomeness on The Oatmeal) is an interwebz god. The comics on the website range in topic from kitties to grammar to how to punch a dolphin in the face, and somehow he makes them all funny and informative at the same time.

There you go, faithful blog readers. Now you have a useful guide to follow if you ever want to understand my sense of humor. Or, if you choose not fixate at on me for some strange reason, you have a list of funny sites to visit and kill some time. Enjoy!

Christmas Songs That Need to Go Away

I want to come out in the open and just admit that I love Christmas. I love the decorating and I enjoy shopping for people. I even like spending time with my family, as weird as that is. My favorite part, though, has to be the music. I love Christmas music, and I look forward to listening to it all year long. I'll admit it, I've already put on a Christmas album a time or two this year, even though we're only half-way through November. Don't worry, I listen in my ear buds - I don't subject others to holiday joy until it's the proper season.

Just because I love Christmas music, though, doesn't mean I love all Christmas music equally. So, for everyone's edification, I complied a list of the five most annoying Christmas songs. Some of them aren't that bad at first, it's the repetition that gets you. Some of them are ear worms that will haunt your brain for days. Some of them are just annoying to me personally, and some of them I still listen to once in a while. This is my blog, I don't have to be consistent. Oh, and I've provided you with video so you can punish yourself by listening if you want.

#5 - Baby it's Cold Outside 

This one falls into the creepy lyrics category. It's actually kind of a fun, slightly jazzy tune that you can snap your fingers to, assuming you live in a 1950s cliche. When you listen to the words, though, you realize it's really highlighting a whole different type of 1950s cliche, one where the guy won't won't take no for an answer, and finally slips his girlfriend a roofie. What, you never heard her say, "Hey, what's in this drink?" before? Although, I do enjoy the versions you hear now and then where the girl sings the creepy rapist part and the guy is the one trying to leave.


#4 - Little Drummer Boy

There are several different levels on which this song manages to bother me. First off, it's repetitive and annoying and usually sung by creepy boy's choirs. Secondly, the whole premise is flawed. It's been a while since I went to church, but I don't remember the bible mentioning  a kid with a drum at the manger scene. Plus, it's a kid with a drum! I'm not a parent, but I'm pretty sure the best recipe for getting your new born baby to sleep is NOT a hyperactive eight-year-old who wants to "help" by banging a drum.

#3 - Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

I know that this song is beloved of children the world over, and that is exactly why it's on this list. This is the first Christmas song that every kid learns, and then sings over and over and over. I don't even have a small child in my home on a regular basis, and I'm still sick of it. Add to that the annoying, shouted refrain - "Like a LIGHT BULB!" - and the song should be outlawed by the Geneva Conventions. I promise I'm not a crotchety kid hater, just a crotchety Rudolph hater.

#2 - 12 Days of Christmas

Okay, I admit, I like singing this song. I even listen to it a few times each season as I'm dusting off my Christmas music. But after two or three listens, I'm done. It's the epitome of repetitious, annoying music. It's like the composer was being paid by the word, so he made sure everything that had already been sung was sung again before you can add anything new. And there are a million versions. You can never hear it just once, you have to hear every singer and choir's version of the madness. Plus, every version has a different item for days 9-12, and that is just annoying. Everyone knows it's 9 Ladies Dancing, 10 Lords A Leaping, 11 Pipers Piping and 12 Drummers Drumming. Get it right!

#1 - Any "Novelty" Song

You know what I mean. I'm talking about abominations like Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer, All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, and I'm Getting Nuttin' for Christmas. I'm sorry if you think you enjoy the novelty songs, but you are wrong. They are annoying and it makes me weep inside that some of them have reached the point where they are now standards for the holiday. No one should ever have to hear these songs against their will. And if they do want to listen to them, it's probably a sign that something is wrong and a cry for help. I'm not posting a video, no one deserves that.

Thanksgiving Madness - The First Time is Always the Hardest

Last summer the boyfriend and I bought a house. It’s a lovely townhouse with lots of room for our little family. The house has a wide open floor plan on the main level, with tons of space in the kitchen and dining room. This was one of the factors that swayed us to buy this house, and since we moved in I have had visions of myself hosting parties and family get-togethers in my large, new space.

Because I have all this space now, I’ve been campaigning to host Thanksgiving at my house instead of my parents’ this year. This wasn’t as easy as you’d think. My family is not big on change, and we’ve always done holidays at my parents’ house. But I got a couple of my sisters-in-law to help me advocate for the change in venue, and my parents finally agreed to come see me on Thanksgiving instead of everyone heading over the river and through the woods to see them.

We just settled this all last weekend, and today the implications of agreeing – nay, willingly volunteering – to cook a dinner fraught with traditions and expectations for about 20 people are hitting me. I have to cook a turkey and I’ve never done that before, at least not all by myself. I’ll need to master the logistical issues related to the oven so that everything is ready to eat at once. Do I have enough side dishes? Are there enough types of pie for everyone?  I only have six chairs in my whole house, where will everyone sit? I have to pull this off, or I’ll never hear the end of it and my beautiful new house will be wasted!

After a few deep breaths and some phone calls with my sisters-in-law and my mom, I’m feeling better. I’ve put out requests for assistance, and people are bringing everything from pies to green-bean casserole to a high chair so the baby nephew doesn’t run amok. This just might work out the way I want. All I have to do is make a turkey, and make sure my house is clean. I can totally do that.

However, if you are coming to Thanksgiving at my house, you should probably bring your own chair, just to be on the safe side.

Geeky Movies -OR- An Ode to Marvel Studios

Today I had a conversation with a friend that reminded me just how far I've gone down the path to total geekiness. She and I lived together for years and we have always had very similar tastes in books and movies. Granted, I've always been a little more open to the science fiction/adventure genre than she has, but it was a minor difference. Well, in the years since she got married, and I began to let my geek flag fly, we have apparently diverged in our tastes. Today I spent ten minutes trying to convince her that superhero movies can be enjoyable movies to watch, and aren't just for teenage boys and sad people who live in their mom's basement. Especially good are those produced by Marvel Studios in the last few years. She was not convinced, and very pointedly changed the subject when she got tired of me telling her how wrong she was.

This got me thinking. For a lot of years I turned my nose up at superhero movies as well, thinking that they were kids stuff or just automatically bad. I think that we can lay the blame for this attitude on the Adam West Batman series; I watched the show when I was a kid and automatically assumed that all comic book/superhero stuff was similar to that. Now that I have been properly educated, I know that there are many excellent movies, TV shows, and other media that can all be lumped under the superhero umbrella.

It still makes me sad, though. There are doubtless lots of other people out there with the same attitude as my friend. They have decided somewhere along the way that comic book inspired media is not for them, and now they are missing out on so much great stuff. Especially lately, when so many good movies and other projects are coming thick and fast. I just feel bad for all the people who are missing out on this fun stuff.

Although, now that I think of it, my friend never saw that horrible Green Lantern movie. Maybe she's got the right idea after all...

Minecrafting it Up!

I've never been really big into video games. There are games I enjoy once in a while (I will destroy you in Mario Kart - that is, as long as you don't throw a blue shell at me), but I have never spent a lot of time playing them. I just don't enjoy games that I'm bad at, and because I don't enjoy playing I never actually get better; it's a vicious cycle.

My boyfriend is a gamer, and he's been trying to find a game we can play together on our iPads or phones. We have tried several different things, but nothing stuck. Nothing, that is, until Minecraft.

If you haven't already been introduced to the fun that is Minecraft, I suggest you check it out. It's a PC game where you start out with nothing then use different materials you collect to create a whole world. You cut down trees to get wood, use the wood to craft tools, use those tools to get stone, use the stone to craft more tools, use the new tools to mine iron, use the iron to make better tools, and on, and on, and on. The world in which you play, while not actually infinite, is ginormous enough to give the impression that it is. You can basically go anywhere and create anything.

This game is perfect for me. There are no complicated controls to master so I avoid the flailing about that usually happens when I play games. Not to brag, but I've totally avoided spending the huge amounts of time stuck in corners that is my usual experience with first-person games - I'm looking at you Skyrim. The game lets me be creative, but at the same time the creativity happens within consistent and well-defined rules so I always know what to expect. You can even download a mod that will give you a little map in the corner of your screen, thus getting rid of the only issue I had with the game: I always got lost when I went out exploring. As a bonus, my guy looks like The Hulk, so that's awesome.

The boyfriend and the kid also love the game. Currently we have a world that we're all playing in together. We've created an elaborate home base, complete with a farm and a corral full of sheep and pigs. In fact, the boyfriend is playing now, and it looks like he's expanding our fortifications. I better wrap this up and get back to the game. He might need my help with that new level he's adding.

Ghosts and Douches

The Travel Channel has a show called Ghost Adventures, or as I like to call it Ghosts and Douches. Three twenty-something frat boys go to know "haunted" buildings and shut themselves in overnight. They walk around with an assortment of ghost-detecting equipment and cameras. The usual mumbo jumbo of inaudible voice recordings and strange electrical readings follows, with a conspicuous absence of actual proof of supernatural activities. Needless to say, I love watching this show.

Tonight, I was flipping through channels on the TV and found a Ghosts and Douches marathon. I was reminded again how much I enjoy the ridiculousness of the show, and I had to share. The best parts of the show are the unscripted things the guys say, and below are some of the best moments, provided for your enjoyment...

"Dude, did you hear that?!"

"Is anyone in here with me?"

"I swear to god my calf kind of burns right now, bro." "Bro, that's not good."

"Did someone die in here? Is this a good spot?"

"Once we go in here, this is like the gates of hell!"

"I thought one of the guys behind me had slapped me on the behind, and I turned around and no one was there."

"Just be calm. Take a deep breath!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!"

"If history can talk, I'm listening to this book speak to me, right now."

And, to take us home, my very favorite moment:

"Are you touching me right now Raymond?"

Ghosts and Douches is my favorite.

Crazy Cat Lady State of Mind

When you think of a crazy cat lady, what comes to mind? An older woman with curlers in her hair and eighteen cats in her house? A recluse who never comes outside except to go to the store to buy more cat food? Someone who lets their cats run their lives to the point that everything else is falling apart? Yeah, that’s pretty much what I used to think, too, until I realized I AM a crazy cat lady.

Let me say right up front that I’m a contributing member of society. I maintain dress and grooming standards, I hold down a job that has a moderate amount of responsibility, I have a healthy relationship with a member of the opposite sex, and we own a house that isn’t a glorified kitty litter box. Despite all these things, I’m just a few cats away from becoming a full-blown crazy cat lady.

It all started a couple of months ago when (as a compromise to avoid getting a dog) we got an adorable little black kitten. We named her Thud. I have always liked cats, even though they make me sneeze, so I knew that I’d be fond of our new pet. I didn’t expect just how besotted I’d become, and I really didn’t foresee how quickly I’d succumb to her fuzzy-faced charms.

Only a few days after she joined us, I found myself putting up with all sorts of things, just to avoid disturbing the cat. I was sleeping on the edge of the bed so as not to push her around, I was getting up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday to feed her, I was reorganizing several rooms in the house in an effort to help the cat feel happy and secure in her new home. One day as I was trolling cat pages on the internet – something I never did before we got Thud – I realized I’d taken a sudden turn into crazy cat lady territory. 

Sure, I don’t have a whole passel of cats, I just have one. And the cat hasn’t taken over the whole house. And I DEFINITELY wouldn’t put up with a cat who can’t figure out the litter box. But these issues are all periphery. If you think of crazy cat lady as being a state of mind, I am totally there; I love the cat and talk in baby-talk to her, I take dozens of pictures of her and show those pictures to long-suffering friends, I buy her the nice food because she likes it and then eat ramen for dinner myself. 

Honestly, it’s a little bit scary how quickly I went from not even wanting a pet to being completely under the thumb (paw?) of a diminutive seven-pound critter. It’s a good thing I do have that relationship with my boyfriend I mentioned. He just might be the biggest factor keeping me from getting four or ten more kittens and embracing my new-found identity.