I'm going to guess that if you are reading this, you have some free time to kill and are choosing to entertain yourself via the internet. I'm going to go even further out on a limb and deduce that if you are taking time to read something I wrote, you enjoy my sense of humor, at least a little bit.
With all of those rash assumptions behind us, allow me to proceed onward. Today I'm going to share some of my favorite places to waste time on the internet. These are mostly places that I find amusing, but some of them are informative or interesting. These are all places I like to go and kill time when online, and I hope you enjoy them as well.
These three webcomics are created by husband and wife dynamic duo Drew and Natalie. They both have their own, quirky sense of humor that comes out through their individual comics (Drew draws Toothpaste for Dinner and Natalie draws Natalie Dee), and they collaborate on the ever delightful Married to the Sea, where they take old-fashioned line drawings and add captions. The best part is, the site includes an archive of all the comics, so you have enough material to waste a whole day!
Another webcomic I love is XKCD. This one has more of a geek/nerd angle; the subtitle on the main page says it's "A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language." You can't get any better than that, right? Oh, and when reading this one, don't forget to hover over the comic for a hidden message. Sometimes those are even more funny than the comic itself.
Speaking of geekiness, I absolutely love The Mary Sue. It's a compendium of geek news and funnies from around the web that bills itself as a guide to girl geek culture. Now, boys, don't be afraid of the feminine slant; I get all the same stories you find on other websites like i09 and Geeks are Sexy. It's just that additional stories that are interesting to women are thrown in sometimes as well. It really makes my day when I hear about some rumor or new piece of geeky news from this site before my boyfriend hears about it from all the sites he checks.
This tumblr documents the misadventures of everyone's favorite thunder lizard, T-Rex. Unfortunately, T-Rex can't do most of the things that he tries, due to his tiny little arms. The artist does a great job walking the line between making it funny, and making us actually feel bad for the poor guy. He does get a win once in a while, though.
While we're on the topic of amusing tumblrs, I can't not mention Ugly Renaissance Babies. This site is the a great mix of truly odd (usually) religious artwork and comments pointing out the strangeness. They don't add captions like a lolcat, instead they let the pictures speak for themselves, and just comment on the truly bizarre. And there is plenty of bizarre to go around, don't worry.
"The Christ Child gazes into your soul... and also somewhere over your shoulder, I guess. I'm not really sure."
If you haven't yet discovered the joyful joyousness that is The Oatmeal, go there now. I'll wait..... There, now that you're properly educated, we can both agree that Matthew Inman (the creator of all awesomeness on The Oatmeal) is an interwebz god. The comics on the website range in topic from kitties to grammar to how to punch a dolphin in the face, and somehow he makes them all funny and informative at the same time.
There you go, faithful blog readers. Now you have a useful guide to follow if you ever want to understand my sense of humor. Or, if you choose not fixate at on me for some strange reason, you have a list of funny sites to visit and kill some time. Enjoy!
I want to come out in the open and just admit that I love Christmas. I love the decorating and I enjoy shopping for people. I even like spending time with my family, as weird as that is. My favorite part, though, has to be the music. I love Christmas music, and I look forward to listening to it all year long. I'll admit it, I've already put on a Christmas album a time or two this year, even though we're only half-way through November. Don't worry, I listen in my ear buds - I don't subject others to holiday joy until it's the proper season.
Just because I love Christmas music, though, doesn't mean I love all Christmas music equally. So, for everyone's edification, I complied a list of the five most annoying Christmas songs. Some of them aren't that bad at first, it's the repetition that gets you. Some of them are ear worms that will haunt your brain for days. Some of them are just annoying to me personally, and some of them I still listen to once in a while. This is my blog, I don't have to be consistent. Oh, and I've provided you with video so you can punish yourself by listening if you want.
#5 - Baby it's Cold Outside
This one falls into the creepy lyrics category. It's actually kind of a fun, slightly jazzy tune that you can snap your fingers to, assuming you live in a 1950s cliche. When you listen to the words, though, you realize it's really highlighting a whole different type of 1950s cliche, one where the guy won't won't take no for an answer, and finally slips his girlfriend a roofie. What, you never heard her say, "Hey, what's in this drink?" before? Although, I do enjoy the versions you hear now and then where the girl sings the creepy rapist part and the guy is the one trying to leave.
#4 - Little Drummer Boy
There are several different levels on which this song manages to bother me. First off, it's repetitive and annoying and usually sung by creepy boy's choirs. Secondly, the whole premise is flawed. It's been a while since I went to church, but I don't remember the bible mentioning a kid with a drum at the manger scene. Plus, it's a kid with a drum! I'm not a parent, but I'm pretty sure the best recipe for getting your new born baby to sleep is NOT a hyperactive eight-year-old who wants to "help" by banging a drum.
#3 - Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
I know that this song is beloved of children the world over, and that is exactly why it's on this list. This is the first Christmas song that every kid learns, and then sings over and over and over. I don't even have a small child in my home on a regular basis, and I'm still sick of it. Add to that the annoying, shouted refrain - "Like a LIGHT BULB!" - and the song should be outlawed by the Geneva Conventions. I promise I'm not a crotchety kid hater, just a crotchety Rudolph hater.
#2 - 12 Days of Christmas
Okay, I admit, I like singing this song. I even listen to it a few times each season as I'm dusting off my Christmas music. But after two or three listens, I'm done. It's the epitome of repetitious, annoying music. It's like the composer was being paid by the word, so he made sure everything that had already been sung was sung again before you can add anything new. And there are a million versions. You can never hear it just once, you have to hear every singer and choir's version of the madness. Plus, every version has a different item for days 9-12, and that is just annoying. Everyone knows it's 9 Ladies Dancing, 10 Lords A Leaping, 11 Pipers Piping and 12 Drummers Drumming. Get it right!
#1 - Any "Novelty" Song
You know what I mean. I'm talking about abominations like Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer, All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, and I'm Getting Nuttin' for Christmas. I'm sorry if you think you enjoy the novelty songs, but you are wrong. They are annoying and it makes me weep inside that some of them have reached the point where they are now standards for the holiday. No one should ever have to hear these songs against their will. And if they do want to listen to them, it's probably a sign that something is wrong and a cry for help. I'm not posting a video, no one deserves that.
Last summer the boyfriend and I bought a house. It’s a
lovely townhouse with lots of room for our little family. The house has a wide
open floor plan on the main level, with tons of space in the kitchen and dining
room. This was one of the factors that swayed us to buy this house, and since
we moved in I have had visions of myself hosting parties and family
get-togethers in my large, new space.
Because I have all this space now, I’ve been campaigning to
host Thanksgiving at my house instead of my parents’ this year. This wasn’t as
easy as you’d think. My family is not big on change, and we’ve always done
holidays at my parents’ house. But I got a couple of my sisters-in-law to help
me advocate for the change in venue, and my parents finally agreed to come see
me on Thanksgiving instead of everyone heading over the river and through the
woods to see them.
We just settled this all last weekend, and today the
implications of agreeing – nay, willingly volunteering – to cook a dinner
fraught with traditions and expectations for about 20 people are hitting me. I have
to cook a turkey and I’ve never done that before, at least not all by myself. I’ll
need to master the logistical issues related to the oven so that everything is
ready to eat at once. Do I have enough side dishes? Are there enough types of
pie for everyone? I only have six chairs
in my whole house, where will everyone sit? I have to pull this off, or I’ll
never hear the end of it and my beautiful new house will be wasted!
After a few deep breaths and some phone calls with my
sisters-in-law and my mom, I’m feeling better. I’ve put out requests
for assistance, and people are bringing everything from pies to green-bean
casserole to a high chair so the baby nephew doesn’t run amok. This just might
work out the way I want. All I have to do is make a turkey, and make sure my
house is clean. I can totally do that.
However, if you are coming to Thanksgiving at my house, you
should probably bring your own chair, just to be on the safe side.
Today I had a conversation with a friend that reminded me just how far I've gone down the path to total geekiness. She and I lived together for years and we have always had very similar tastes in books and movies. Granted, I've always been a little more open to the science fiction/adventure genre than she has, but it was a minor difference. Well, in the years since she got married, and I began to let my geek flag fly, we have apparently diverged in our tastes. Today I spent ten minutes trying to convince her that superhero movies can be enjoyable movies to watch, and aren't just for teenage boys and sad people who live in their mom's basement. Especially good are those produced by Marvel Studios in the last few years. She was not convinced, and very pointedly changed the subject when she got tired of me telling her how wrong she was.
This got me thinking. For a lot of years I turned my nose up at superhero movies as well, thinking that they were kids stuff or just automatically bad. I think that we can lay the blame for this attitude on the Adam West Batman series; I watched the show when I was a kid and automatically assumed that all comic book/superhero stuff was similar to that. Now that I have been properly educated, I know that there are many excellent movies, TV shows, and other media that can all be lumped under the superhero umbrella.
It still makes me sad, though. There are doubtless lots of other people out there with the same attitude as my friend. They have decided somewhere along the way that comic book inspired media is not for them, and now they are missing out on so much great stuff. Especially lately, when so many good movies and other projects are coming thick and fast. I just feel bad for all the people who are missing out on this fun stuff.
Although, now that I think of it, my friend never saw that horrible Green Lantern movie. Maybe she's got the right idea after all...
I've never been really big into video games. There are games I enjoy once in a while (I will destroy you in Mario Kart - that is, as long as you don't throw a blue shell at me), but I have never spent a lot of time playing them. I just don't enjoy games that I'm bad at, and because I don't enjoy playing I never actually get better; it's a vicious cycle.
My boyfriend is a gamer, and he's been trying to find a game we can play together on our iPads or phones. We have tried several different things, but nothing stuck. Nothing, that is, until Minecraft.
If you haven't already been introduced to the fun that is Minecraft, I suggest you check it out. It's a PC game where you start out with nothing then use different materials you collect to create a whole world. You cut down trees to get wood, use the wood to craft tools, use those tools to get stone, use the stone to craft more tools, use the new tools to mine iron, use the iron to make better tools, and on, and on, and on. The world in which you play, while not actually infinite, is ginormous enough to give the impression that it is. You can basically go anywhere and create anything.
This game is perfect for me. There are no complicated controls to master so I avoid the flailing about that usually happens when I play games. Not to brag, but I've totally avoided spending the huge amounts of time stuck in corners that is my usual experience with first-person games - I'm looking at you Skyrim. The game lets me be creative, but at the same time the creativity happens within consistent and well-defined rules so I always know what to expect. You can even download a mod that will give you a little map in the corner of your screen, thus getting rid of the only issue I had with the game: I always got lost when I went out exploring. As a bonus, my guy looks like The Hulk, so that's awesome.
The boyfriend and the kid also love the game. Currently we have a world that we're all playing in together. We've created an elaborate home base, complete with a farm and a corral full of sheep and pigs. In fact, the boyfriend is playing now, and it looks like he's expanding our fortifications. I better wrap this up and get back to the game. He might need my help with that new level he's adding.
The Travel Channel has a show called Ghost Adventures, or as I like to call it Ghosts and Douches. Three twenty-something frat boys go to know "haunted" buildings and shut themselves in overnight. They walk around with an assortment of ghost-detecting equipment and cameras. The usual mumbo jumbo of inaudible voice recordings and strange electrical readings follows, with a conspicuous absence of actual proof of supernatural activities. Needless to say, I love watching this show.
Tonight, I was flipping through channels on the TV and found a Ghosts and Douches marathon. I was reminded again how much I enjoy the ridiculousness of the show, and I had to share. The best parts of the show are the unscripted things the guys say, and below are some of the best moments, provided for your enjoyment...
"Dude, did you hear that?!"
"Is anyone in here with me?"
"I swear to god my calf kind of burns right now, bro." "Bro, that's not good."
"Did someone die in here? Is this a good spot?"
"Once we go in here, this is like the gates of hell!"
"I thought one of the guys behind me had slapped me on the behind, and I turned around and no one was there."
"Just be calm. Take a deep breath!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!"
"If history can talk, I'm listening to this book speak to me, right now."
When you think of a crazy cat lady, what comes to mind? An older
woman with curlers in her hair and eighteen cats in her house? A recluse who
never comes outside except to go to the store to buy more cat food? Someone who
lets their cats run their lives to the point that everything else is falling
apart? Yeah, that’s pretty much what I used to think, too, until I realized I AM a crazy cat lady.
Let me say right up front that I’m a contributing member of
society. I maintain dress and grooming standards, I hold down a job that has a
moderate amount of responsibility, I have a healthy relationship with a member
of the opposite sex, and we own a house that isn’t a glorified kitty litter
box. Despite all these things, I’m just a few cats away from becoming a
full-blown crazy cat lady.
It all started a couple of months ago when (as a compromise
to avoid getting a dog) we got an adorable little black kitten. We named her
Thud. I have always liked cats, even though they make me sneeze, so I
knew that I’d be fond of our new pet. I didn’t expect just how besotted I’d
become, and I really didn’t foresee how quickly I’d succumb to her fuzzy-faced
charms.
Only a few days after she joined us, I found myself putting
up with all sorts of things, just to avoid disturbing the cat. I was sleeping
on the edge of the bed so as not to push her around, I was getting up at the
crack of dawn on a Saturday to feed her, I was reorganizing several rooms in
the house in an effort to help the cat feel happy and secure in her new home. One
day as I was trolling cat pages on the internet – something I never did before we got Thud – I realized I’d taken a sudden turn into crazy cat lady territory.
Sure, I don’t have a whole passel of cats, I just have one. And
the cat hasn’t taken over the whole house. And I DEFINITELY wouldn’t put up
with a cat who can’t figure out the litter box. But these issues are all periphery.
If you think of crazy cat lady as being a state of mind, I am totally there; I
love the cat and talk in baby-talk to her, I take dozens of pictures of her and
show those pictures to long-suffering friends, I buy her the nice food because
she likes it and then eat ramen for dinner myself.
Honestly, it’s a little bit scary how quickly I went from
not even wanting a pet to being completely under the thumb (paw?) of a
diminutive seven-pound critter. It’s a good thing I do have that relationship with my
boyfriend I mentioned. He just might be the biggest factor keeping me from
getting four or ten more kittens and embracing my new-found identity.
If you haven't yet discovered the joyful joyousness that is The Oatmeal, go there now. I'll wait..... There, now that you're properly educated, we can both agree that Matthew Inman (the creator of all awesomeness on The Oatmeal) is an interwebz god. The comics on the website range in topic from kitties to grammar to how to punch a dolphin in the face, and somehow he makes them all funny and informative at the same time.
